I am not one to share deep details of myself with people, but for some reason, I've had an urge to share some parts of myself with people to draw inspiration and understand my purpose.
My life has been a rollercoaster of unending events that at some point, I found myself being secluded especially when I get overwhelmed with responsibilities. But, you know what? I never thought much about it until a friend of mine clocked it. In her words, she said, “Bethel, do you know that you are a loner and you seclude yourself a lot”. I began thinking about it and it started to come together just how right she was. My life has been shaped into something more meaningful but with a lot of scars. Scars that run deep and have made me who I am today.
I'm sharing this because I know that sometimes we go through some things to inspire others and make them see how much we went through and survived.
Who Is Bethel?
When people see me travelling around the world, grooving & enjoying they think that is what life is all about. Social media also contributes to that desire for the flashy and sweet part of life. But, in all honesty, there are parts of me that people do not know about. Firstly, I was single-handedly raised by my mother, and I grew up in an abusive home, and I never had a present father. It may sound typical but having these terrible experiences as a child changed the way I saw life. I saw life differently. I saw life as cruel and mean.
It didn't help that I saw the way my mother struggled and had to fight for my brother and me to have a better life. In fact, one of the reasons that made me say that I must stand on my own was when I saw my dad send my mother out of the house and end their marriage. My mom had to start from scratch bearing the burden of responsibilities alone. I saw all that and just knew that I wouldn't let a man turn my life into his playground or depend solely on him so much that I don't have a life. I told myself that I am going to create a name for myself so that whatever anyone brings, it will be an addition.
How My Journey Started
I went to a missionary secondary school in Nigeria and though I am grateful for that, I would like to say that it curbed my desires and felt more like a containment in which I needed to be constantly free from. Then, I went on to study medicine at Bogomolets School of Medicine in Kyiv, Ukraine. When I got there, I literally breathed out the air I didn't know I was holding in all this while. It was my opportunity to be free, and my first and second years were rather filled with me having fun and not caring about the consequences. Along the way, like almost any teenager seeking to be free, I got into a relationship I thought I needed. He seemed perfect for the life I was living at that time until it became toxic and almost ruined my life. My mom got wind of it and quickly asked me to desist from it. It wasn’t the easiest thing to do. Daddy issues held me in a chokehold, and I saw how that seemed to affect my relationship. I saw myself overcompensating, and secluded myself from my friends. I messed up so badly to the point that I made him the centre of my world and spent recklessly on him even when I wasn't working knowing he wasn't treating me right.
I started getting distracted from school work until my 2nd year when I eventually had a reality check. And you know what that was? I thought about my precious mother who was suffering back in Nigeria to see that I never lacked a thing in Ukraine. That thought plagued me so much that I had to end the relationship and with a click, life got better for me. I started attending classes again and doing better with classwork. My grades went up from failing to making A's.
My life blossomed, I left a lot of vices and began to feel lighter. I would add that one of the things that broke me and added cracks to my perception was the day I called my father to let him know I was in Ukraine and to see if we could be in communication, then, he promised me he would call back. Years passed and I never heard from him. That one singular act negatively impacted my relationships with men. Seeing that part of me that I didn’t expect to see taught me a great lesson. I could even say it's better to experience certain things in life while young than to do it later, which of course would be messy.
My Mom, My Anchor, My Loudest Supporter
I learnt a great deal from my mother. I also realised that if she weren't as resilient and hardworking as she was before she passed on, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to leave the shores of Nigeria to see other countries. That made me understand that I needed to work hard, find my purpose and make my mom proud. She was everything to me. One of the reasons I loved her so much was how she would easily give me anything that I wanted and was readily available to me. My vacations were sponsored by her and she would say, “Bethel, I'm giving you all this so that you would never be swayed easily by whatever a man brings”. She made me understand that I could stand on my own. That I know love and am willing to share it is because of her. She was a sister and confidante. I will love her for the rest of my life.
The Moment Life Nearly Broke Me– What I Learned
It's easier for one to sail through life unperturbed when the odds are in one's favour. It may even blind one from the line that crosses over to the other side of life where things aren't so favourable. It was like that for me, living the sweet life until I came back from Ukraine and became extremely sick. Something I've never experienced and I wondered what it could be. I lost drastic weight and thought that I would die. So I went to the hospital, got checked and the doctor said I needed to have surgery and gave me a date. My mom was utterly worried, especially about me having the operation in Ukraine. Then, I did something funny that I would call crazy faith. I told myself, You only live once(YOLO) and bought a ticket. I already had a visa then I went on the vacation of my life to Norway and Sweden. I lived it like it was going to be my last. I was so excited through it all that one wouldn't even know that I was going through an illness. When the vacation was over, I came back and spent one more day by myself, and the next day, on the 22nd of April, I went to the hospital for the surgery. My brother was in the country at that time plus my friends so I wouldn't feel alone. By God's grace, the surgery went well and I began to heal.
The first 3 months in school weren't easy because I still needed to use taxis to move around freely. But thanks to God, I slowly bounced back and went through all that and became better. My mom even had a big Thanksgiving service in church with a big life cow as a form of appreciation to God. Meanwhile, I was fighting for my life and heard gossip that broke me. Honestly, I don't know why people feel the need to say negative things about others especially when they see that person thriving. Anyway, I stood for myself and on my truth because that is one thing I hold highly about myself. I was super excited about my healing journey which proved in more ways than one how God is good.
My Path To Becoming
I finished medical school and came back to Nigeria, then I asked myself, “What's next?” My mom was a bit shocked to see that I came back to Nigeria. She had expected me to move from Ukraine to another country and live out my best life. But I had a goal or do I say two goals(Lol). The tea is coming, just hold your hats.
Firstly, I wanted to build a brand and be known. A brand that is legitimate and that people could trust. A brand that could make travel more accessible to people of all economic statuses. While in Ukraine, I was running Betravels on a low scale and moving back to Nigeria, I didn't think much on what to do next so I set up my business in a bigger way that challenges me till this day. The second goal, (hides face) I was in a relationship with someone I thought I was going to do the rest of my life with. It was distant, so I came back to Nigeria to close that gap(Ladies, do not make this mistake. Lol). Well, I got the shocker of my life and realised how big a mistake I had made. It almost ruined me yet again. Connecting this to the last dude, I remember after that relationship, I told myself I would never fall again for that type of man. Little did I know I knew nothing. I thought I had met bad but this time, I had the worst. Someone I had sacrificed so much for. The part that impaled me was when my mom was ill and in her last moment, I needed my so-called man & he never showed up for me.
That was the turning point for me and some months down the line, I ended it. Then I began to actively seek out a therapist who could help me psychologically and emotionally too. The first one I found was in the US, and the second one was in Nigeria. Amazing women, dare I say. They helped me in my journey and ignited my fire, armed me with the sword of courage to look life in the eye again without feeling beaten down. It helped me to learn to choose myself above all. They showed me that I didn’t need to overcompensate and people-please my way into people's lives. They taught me to turn that love inward. To myself.
Silent Lessons: A Journey Within
Now, after going through all that, I told myself, “Bethel, you are the only person who can pull yourself out of this dungeon. You cannot keep playing the victim. Bethel, you can't keep blaming yourself for the past”. So, I stood up and took my power back and now, I'm here pushing myself to be better, growing my business, my mother's school and clinging tightly to God who has been my shield.
I'm not a motivational writer or speaker, but I hope this inspires people who think they can't stand anymore, people who feel beaten down and encumbered with the stress of this life.
I want you to know that you are not alone.
See you in the next post!
